Why I Would Leave the Church

by Peter K Bellville

 

              Fast Sunday and people straggle up to the front of the church to share their testimonies which reflects of why they continue to be active in the church. They are all thankful. 

            Many members are disaffected. They no longer have a testimony. The reasons for their loss of faith are varied and I am not privy to most of them. A few I am aware of are offended for the church policy on LGBQ+ people. Consequently, church leaders have given speeches to appease or soften the rhetoric without changing doctrine. Nevertheless, people still leave the church. Speculations for why this happens abound. Generic reasons are given to make sense of apostasy by those who remain faithful. Finding explanations is a human need to make sense of life. We need to know why. It's a mystery to solve. In part, those seeking for answers want to buttress themselves from a similar fate. 

                Some tell themselves they would never leave the church. Jacob said he had seen angels and heard Christ and could not be moved or dissuaded. (Jacob7:5) But, most of us have not seen angels or heard Christ. For us, I would say that a bold declaration or affirmation that we would never leave the church is brash and naïve. We don't know what circumstances could inflict our lives and push us to leave the church. But, we need not tempt God or entice Satan to test our boundaries as was Job. Could we really endure a test designed to probe our most weakest points or flaws? Our safest position would be to be humble in all circumstances and pray we are not subjected to a severe stress test of our faith. We might find ourselves wavering. For this reason we should not harshly judge those who have succumbed for some reason or other that seems to us irrational or inadequate. I knew one sister who maintained her husband was physically abusing her. But, the husband denied any wrongdoing. The bishop didn't know who to believe and dismissed the wife’s complaint. Not finding support, she left the church. Her exit was not from doctrinal issues or policies but because the church failed her. How are we to judge her? This was before the "me-too" movement. Today, she might receive a more sympathetic response. Her example suggests that reasons for leaving the church might not be obvious or simple. The reasons we imagine that might move us are probably not the ones that would. Our hardest tests of faith are such that we may have never even considered. We may not know our own vulnerabilities. Our tests may come obliquely and unexpected. We should be grateful if such tests come not at all.

              However, most of us do experience challenges to our faith from time to time. For myself, I have concluded that faith is a matter of choice. When life goes sour, usually from my own failings and not from the failings of others, I try to learn from the experience and consciously choose faith. I believe that is why God designed our experiences this way. We are forced to make a conscious choice. Our superpower from God is our agency. Without choices to be made our agency is meaningless. To choose God is to increase our faith and our power in life. What will be our choices in war, sickness, disloyalty, infidelity, treachery? Worse yet, what would be our choices when it is ourselves who have been the guilty party? Forgiving the other is more abstract and easier than forgiving oneself.

              Even in these thoughts, am I overlooking something? Is there a crack in my armor, a flaw in my logic? I assume there is. The reality of life may bear down on me with more force than I can possibly imagine or endure with a simplistic philosophy. Could I endure a Holocaust? I hope I may never be so tested because I can imagine scenarios that would tear my soul apart, unspeakable scenarios that others have already endured. History is full of such harrowing stories that wither bones. Many such stories can be found in Scripture. Could I maintain my integrity and faith in circumstances described in the Book of Mormon? I shiver at the thought.

              Barring such extremes, are there circumstances under which I would leave the church? I can list a few which might be considered unlikely or preposterous. For instance, I would leave the church if it denied Christ. This would be absurd. The church would no longer be The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints. That would be contradictory.

              I would leave the church if it disavowed the Book of Mormon. The church could still be Christian, but it would be denying its foundational document.

              I would leave the church if it sanctioned gay marriages and performed sealings of homosexuals in the temple. This would be abandoning the basic family unit.

              I would leave the church if it started ordaining women to the priesthood. For me, this is also foundational. Much has been said and written to appease or soften this doctrine for those who are challenged by this principle. In the millennium, circumstances may change, but for now in this mortal state, ordaining women would be contrary to church doctrine.

              The above reasons given are doctrinal and there are other changes that could be made for which I probably would not leave the church. For instance, if the Quorum of the 12 became the Quorum of the 20 or some other number. This would be an administrative change and not really doctrinal. I don't think this likely considering its origins and tradition. There have been in the past occasions when the first presidency included more than three persons and when the Quorum of the 12 included Assistants to the 12.

              Changes have occurred in the temple to which I personally object, but these changes are not reason enough for me to leave the church. Here, I admit, my imagination fails me. What changes might be made that would alienate me from the church? I know I already harbor personal beliefs, speculative beliefs, that if I made them public might be reason for the church to disassociate itself from me. The church has been, for as much as I am aware, very tolerant of members who espouse beliefs outside the mainstream Orthodox position. For instance, I'm not aware of anyone losing their membership for believing in the Adam-God theory, so called. This is not official doctrine. Someone may lose membership over this theory not for believing it, but for teaching it as though it was official doctrine or for advocating the theory contrary to the church position.

              Polygamy is another issue with similar restrictions. Belief in this principle is tolerated, but practicing the principal or publicly espousing it, is not tolerated. (I find the worldly position of sanctioning two men getting married, but rejecting one man marrying two women paradoxical.)

              So, why would I leave the church? Other than for the doctrinal reasons given above, I don't know what would occur that would push me overboard. I hope I never find out. My imagination is too limited. But, I'm not fool enough to assume that I am invincible to any and all circumstances that might arise. "Suffer me not to be led into temptation, but deliver me from evil" is my prayer. (JST Matthew 6:13)